What's Done in the Dark....

The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 9

Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior”
(Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do)

My weird behavior is that I not only memorize, repeat, and even dance to my fav commercials. Yea, living by myself allows me to become a little too excited when they come on. 

Here's what I mean. See the GEICO commercial below?  Well it uses the same music from the "Dirty Dancing" movie (actually from one of my favorite parts). If this commercial comes on, you'll find me mimicking the moves of Jennifer Grey (female star of the movie). And it's so obvious that this movie has nothing to do with that movie or dancing. 

Same thing with the following commercial. Although, I'm sure that many people get extra excited when these commercials come on. Right?!

BONUS: Do you remember those TIME CD collection commercials that used to come on late night? They usually last an hour or so with some "has been" actor/singer trying to tempt you to spend your good money to buy the CD with an extra $5.95 going to processing and handling. My thing was to sing along to the excerpts whether it was my style of song or not. Remember the ones that included The Beach Boys and all those old groups? I sang along to those, too!

Being single and living by myself allows me the freedom to get down......to these commercials. LOL!

Don't judge me! :-)

Single and Not Waiting

One of my good friends sent me the following link: http://convergemagazine.com/single-waiting-9283/ The words spoke to me. In order of my 30-day Single Woman blog challenge, I wanted to include it for you, my readers.

FYI: I did NOT write the post. It is not my own work.

"Single and Not Waiting"

I’m 23, I just graduated from university, and I’m single.

Many of my friends are married, and a few are starting to have children. And I feel as if I just graduated from high school again. You could say my life is in transition. And it’s true; I am in the middle of shifting myself from university to the career world. But I’ve started to wonder about whether it’s right to refer to my singleness as an in-between stage.

What exactly am I in-between again?

“It’s the first day of the rest of my life.” I recently I heard someone on TV say this about her wedding day, and it really bothered me. While I don’t want to discount the gift of marriage, I must say I’m a bit confused and frustrated with this sentiment. I’ve heard the cliché before, but I suddenly felt the weight of it. As if it equates marriage as the start of life, or at least the good part.

Don’t misunderstand my frustration; I think there is a beautiful element of starting a new family with your spouse. I’m all for godly marriage. But what I’m afraid of is viewing life through the lens of marriage as the goal. For waiting to get married before life starts.

I’m afraid, because I’m afraid it has happened to me. I’ve been living like I’m waiting for someone to get here. And it isn’t Jesus.

I’ve wasted my time, my energy, and my emotions on this concept that singleness is just a waiting room for a relationship. I’m tired of this view that my life begins when I wake up next to my husband, because I’m pretty sure my life began 23 years ago when my mom gave birth. And this mentality has robbed my joy.

As much as I’d like to place all the blame on Christian culture, the perpetual “Have you met anyone yet?” question the world asks me, and the reality that my Facebook feed looks more like a Pinterest wedding board these days, I am convicted of my own failures.

I’ve been living like God owes me something. Like he hasn’t held up his end of the deal. He has given me the desire for relationship and marriage, and he just hasn’t followed through.
I’ve been living under the impression that I deserve a relationship.

I’d be lying if I said Christian culture does much to inhibit this mentality. There seems to be a deep understanding and appreciation for the gift of marriage, but not so much for the gift of singleness (if it’s treated like a gift at all). Rather, singleness is something to be cured. Like I’ve got a disease, and introducing me to your single friend might perhaps cure us both. Singleness is the lump of coal, the gift that is never on your Christmas list.

There are at least a handful of us standing around, wondering what happened. (After all, I have been pretty nice this year.)

But it’s never been about being entitled, or even about being nice. I have to stop thinking that I’m doing something wrong here.

Well actually I am, but it isn’t about fixing something that will magically make a boyfriend appear. It is about changing the direction of my heart.

 “I’d rather have the right God than the wrong man.” –- Christen Rapske

People talk all the time about pursuing people or things for the wrong reasons, but maybe we pursue God for the wrong reasons. Maybe subconsciously I’ve been treating God like he’s a vending machine. And my pursuit of him has really been a pursuit of someone else.

When did Christ cease to be enough?

And when did I stop finding my identity, self-worth, and fulfillment in Him, only to place my life on hold for someone I’ve never even met?

Each day is a gift, and I’m not waiting for it to get here. It is present in every moment, and it begins anew daily.  Man-less or not, I want to wake up every morning and be excited because I get to spend my day with the God who created the universe.

And I want to do that for the rest of my life.

The one thing I'd risk going to jail for...

The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 8 

What are the five things that are most important to you in a future mate?

1. God-fearing - I need someone that loves God. Point blank. Period. If we're both working in tandem towards God's plan for each of us as well as collectively, then we're only moving closer as a couple. There's something sexy about a man taking on the role of being the head of a family and praying consistently for his love and his family. Turn on, definitely. ;-)

2. Intelligent - I recently had a couple of dates with a Puerto Rican cutie. His best features were his eyes, skin, and teeth, i.e. damn near everything. He even had Brooklyn swag about himself and he was so gentle with me. Problem, you ask? He seemed dumb as a box of rocks. He couldn't hold a conversation about issues important in the world today. Turn off. I need someone that will challenge my thinking and engross me in intriguing conversations. Furthermore, I don't like to lead all of our conversations as well. Another turn off.

3. Sense of Humor - I love to laugh! A lot! I have my own sarcastic sense of humor and would love to be with a guy that has his own sense of wit. It's an absolute turn on. I was with one guy where darn near everything he said was funny and it just felt good to be around him. I guess when you're laughing, you're constantly smiling and that means you must be happy and that's the goal in life right? To be happy. So if a man can put a smile on my face constantly, he's a keeper. 

4. Romantic - OK! Sweep me off my feet please. Surprise me here and there. Keep me guessing. The sweet gestures keep a relationship going. Flowers just because. A sweet note to say I love you hidden in your purse. A good morning text. Two of my past boos used to send me "good morning" texts every morning. Started my morning with a smile each time I received those texts. I have a guy friend who actually bought a book titled "1001 Ways to be Romantic". He actually would refer to the book here and there to do things for his girl. One of the items called for him to send his girl's mom flowers to thank her for bringing his girlfriend into the world. Ummm, yea, I'll need my future boo to live up to those standards. 

5. Loyal - There are a lot of things that I don't have time for and being cheated on is one of them. Let me give you a little backstory. I'm deathly afraid of jail. When I was attending UCF, my younger sister stayed with me for a bit in my apartment. One day I came home to find her and a sheriff's deputy there in the apartment. He told me that there was a warrant out for my arrest. As I stood there with a McDonald's breakfast in my hand, I contemplated my options as jail was not one of them. There was a 6 lane highway right outside my apartment. My thought - drop the food and run into traffic. I was not going to jail! Anywho, the second before I dropped the bag of food, he told me that he was a cousin of mine. They got a few chuckles in; not me, I was hella scared. I say all of that to say that while I'm deathly afraid of jail, I can see myself going there because a man has cheated on me and we are supposed to be in a committed relationship. Just call med Lorena Bobbitt, Jr. cause his penis has got to go after that! Just kidding....not really. Seriously speaking, trust is very big to me, and my future boo must be worthy of mine.

Where You Are In Your Life vs. Where You Thought You Would Be At This Point

The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 7

 

I think it is every little girl's dream to grow up, get married, and have children. Well, my dreams for myself were similar with career thrown in there. I wanted to go to college, get married, and become a superstar; I wanted to see my name in lights. I don't mean superstar in terms of acting, singing, or dancing (which is good because I'm not good at any one of those things). I mean superstar as in I wanted to be remembered for doing good while here on this earth in whatever I ended up doing as a career.My career path changed a lot. At one point, I wanted to be a cosmetologist (this was serious), accountant, social worker, etc.

At 33 years of age, I look back and realize that I've only succeeded in going to college. I've yet to snag the man and see my name in lights. While snagging the man is out of my control, I'm working to become that superstar and see my name in lights. It took a while for me to determine just what I'm passionate about. Now that I've finally figured it out, it's time for me to knock down some doors in which opportunity stands behind. That's my focus right now. It's going to happen.
 

“Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 6 

 

Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

 

Uh, no. Um, hello, I'm blogging to complete a Single Woman's challenge. Although I'm content (for now), this is not my destiny.  As of right now, I don't have the love life that I want.

Furthermore, there are MANY other women who are not experiencing the love life they want either. For instance, I previously discussed women staying in relationships that they knew were toxic only because they do not want to be alone. There are women who are settling for less because they feel that's the best they can do for themselves. That doesn't mean it's what they want; hell, it's probably opposite of what they want.

So, no. Every woman DOES NOT HAVE the exact love life she wants.

A Gift and a Curse

The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 5

What is the biggest misconception you think people have about single life?

Most people think that having no one is a curse, lonely, and no fun. That is why a lot of people choose to stay in relationships that do nothing but stress them out. Well, that's untrue. As a single woman, I have time to do the things I want to do when I want to do them how I want to do them. The biggest benefit is not having to answer to anyone. (I guess this is where independence is most valued.) Many people complain about not having their own space when in relationships. Well, I have that. I come and go as I please. I have time to accomplish the things that need to be done.

Recently, I was at dinner reconnecting with a friend. At the end of the evening I said, "Well, I have a lot of work to do, so I have to head home." The friend says, "That's why you don't have a man. If you did, you'd be worried about taking care of him and his needs and not getting your work done that is going to take you to another level in life." His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Right now I'm working towards a higher purpose and it'd be just a distraction. Don't get me wrong, having a man and accomplishing career goals are not mutually exclusive; you can have both. However, maybe right now I don't need distractions. 

I'm working towards a bigger goal right now. Although it'd be nice to have support through this time, it's not necessary. 

Simply Put, I'm Inspired

So I'm a fan of Project Runway. I love that show. I love watching the process as a designer is given a muse, as abstract as it may be, and they come up with a look that blows minds. I am not that creative, but I love fashion. This show gives me life!

Anyway, the last few episodes have really caught my heart by its strings. Alexandria von Bromssen, Project Runway runner-up shared one of her businesses on the previous episode and I fell in love with the idea. She runs a camp, I believe year-round, for kids that allows them to learn to sew to foster their love for creativity, expression, and design. It's an awesome idea! 

Camp Couture - a fashion and sewing school that provides lessons to all ages and all levels in a supportive and creative environment. At Camp Couture, students are taught to express their individuality by designing and sewing their own garment and interior ideas. Instruction is provided in a professional and creative studio environment. 

In the photo above, the camp kids have sewn a map of the US using denim. Creative! When Project Runway showed the kids, their designs, and, most importantly, their excitement for the opportunity, I instantly became inspired. Many questions came to mind as well as many ideas! For Alexandria to take what she loves and is most passionate about and transfer that passion, love, and excitement to kids is AMAZING to me. She definitely became an instant inspirational figure for me.

I have my own ideas of programs or organizations that I would love to create for kids to help them navigate through this thing called life. She definitely gave me a spark that was needed.  

Then there's Dom. Dom Streater, the 24 year old winner of this season's Project Runway, has a way with prints. Her designs are amazing as well as her level of humility. Besides that, she's just the girl next door. She says she grew up poor and before coming to NYC for the show, she says she was working two jobs, unable to find one in the fashion industry. Her hard work and eye for edgy looks have definitely paved the way for her future, however.  She won a prize package worth half a million dollars. What's so inspiring about her? Her humbling personality through it all. Sometimes, that's rare to find. Actually, a lot of times. (Her natural hair is BOMB!)

During the show, Dom took another designer's losing look (left) and transformed it into a winning look (right). I absolutely adore the look. This picture does it no justice, whatsoever.

My biggest fear...

...as a single person

The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 1

  

Isn't it obvious?! Let me put it this way, I always say to my friends, "God has a sense of humor that I don't always find funny. I don't want to find my Mr. Right when I'm 40 years old or even not at all." That's my biggest fear as a single person. My second biggest fear is ending up with Mr. Wrong just because I'm tired of waiting. I've seen those couples in which one spouse is totally disrespectful to the other or they spend all of their time arguing. Ain't nobody got time for that! So I'll just continue to wait for my intended boo, whoever he may be.